InsIDe SyaHeeD..

2012-02-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

I don't care if anyone is going to my blog. But this is the only place I'm going to talk to myself without anyone knowing. Hopefully. Guess a a lot has change since the last I post. The last I post was like 2 years back? I'm in a different team, different circle of friends. I used to depend on one person to let it all out. Guess time has pass. People change. I depend on my self now. Things will be fine if I give a positive attitude. I can't remember when was the last time I have all the problems. Maybe still some girls problem. But I've grown maturely and avoid all the boys problems. Like all the fights and misunderstanding .

My sister has got married. She is currently on honeymoon with my new brother. They are at Bali now. Another addition to the family. Abang nizam is a great guy. Such a nice guy to be around with. Could talk to him about any problem. Last weekend was their wedding. It was the best wedding I've ever been to. People were dancing everywhere. Food were great. Deco was awesome. Things went well. Hopefully they'll bring back some cool surf stuff home for me! Hehehe.

For my soccer shit now. Im waiting for my salary! They still owe us few mth of salary. Hopefully we could get it soon. Once I get it. I'm gonna be out of sembawang soccer academy. I'm sick and tired of their promises. I need the money only. And my parents too. I'm currently living the footballers dream. Travelling around the world. Chayyyy! Tak la. I just return from Italy. Went fpthere for 2 and half mth. Training tour. Had a tournament as well there. When we came back, we instantly became popular. With the media and all. Haha. Those were the days huh. Haha. Now I'm playing under Coach Fandi! Superb coach! Playing for H2O dream team. Kinda good team. Planning to follow this rp team for this year and I'm off to find for a club next year. No need to rush. Soccer is just a hobby. I just need to brsyukur that Im lucky and has a lot of chance to go everywhere. . Now I'm just going Malaysia for games and back. Malaysian team are fucking strong! Not funny. Be we could compete :) hopefully it won't be long since I next post. :)

2011-04-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

A long day indeed. Looking at a loonnngggg week :\ damn. Still haven have had enough rest. Fuck, beep test next sat. Dammit. So not ready for it. I'm so gonna hit 12.5 again! Hopefully. Like talking to myself here. Feels really peaceful. Hmmm. It's the end of a weekend. Guessed I spent it to the fullest. I woke up at 8am on a Sunday. Not slot of ppl can say tat u know.. My life is basically, soccer,school,work,friends? Not bad. No wander I'm so occupied. I'm still stressed out if I should go KL with fathul on the mid of next mth. I really wanna go. But money and school wise. Berat ah nak Cabot!!! :\ gotta ask dad for opinion tmr. Done cleaning abitvof the room. Gonna continue tmr. Off to bobok.... :)

2011-04-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

Life. At one point of time I'll feel lost and unwanted. We gotta put in effort in what u wanna do. And soon I'll realise I've got options for u laid out. Too many sometime. Just Ottawa choose what's best for u and what u love to do. That's what happening now. At one point of time i lost two soccer clubs. With effort and never give up attitude. I found a club that appreciate me. I'm not gonna take thy for granted. And when I wanted a job and didn't found any at times. Continue searching and going intrview. I did that, and now, I got this agency and spore flyer job. Dunno what to choose now. Mak says that jangan jadi tamak. Bantu semua keholangan baru tahu. So, I'm gonna let go on what I cannot do. And don't have the time to. That's life. It's never easy. Always learn it the hard way and u'll learn more. :)

2011-04-22T12:44:00.000-07:00

Ast post was 9august? Haha! Wow, it's been awhile. Where should I start? Hmmmmm. I'm in year 2 already. How time flies huh. I think 9august, I was already single. Hmmm, then came tiara. Was a long story. Summarise it, it didnt work out. Then, single life. Now I'm dating Amiliah. 'lovelife'. School wise, I didn't do too well nor did I do too badly. My GPA maintain. And so many matrep in school now. Started thinking abt the future already. Am afraid that I couldn't go poly. Aiming for3.00 GPA average. Working towards it. Big surprise! I'm working. Hahahah! Funny right? Never heard shaid working. Hahah. I'm working under agent, but I've been posted out to shop name MUJI. Sometime kenek paragon outlet, Marina sq outlet, bugis junction outlet. If u wanna see me. Drop by! ;) haha.. And soccer wise, planned to quit. Well, plan changes. Am currently playing for gayleng and CC near my house. And might be for school. Haha. Hmmm. Too many things on huh? Been busy lately. Amiliah sampai kenek abandon kadang2! Haha. That's life. U do what u gotta do. Missing the bros, the guys. Wanna meet them soon.. Thats it la. Malas nak type pasal my boring life. -.-

Idk why in typing all that. I don't even know of anyone still comes here. I doubt so. That a good thing I guess. Hahaha.
P.S. LOVE LIFE.

2010-08-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

I just don't get it sometime. At times u say lie giving me hopes saying like u'll change and we'll be just like old times. But also at times. Say it like we won't be together ever again and u can't change yr ways. Smoking is not cool. U just look like some others. I dontlike t. Change fir the worse, I can't accept. If it's for good why not.. Some time u say u can manage yr time. Than again, u say u can't. Who is the confuse one? I dint know what is our outcome. I really don't.

2010-07-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

This time, it's u. If we were gonna start. It's gonna be abt u. Think what I wanna think? Someone called at 12? U didn't even explain telling me who was it. Than got guilty consious and telling me to think what I wanna think?? Does that even makes sence? that's why I'm saying, are are only going one direction, which is yr direction. What ever u wanna do, what ever u choose to do, we'll follow. coz it's only u. U make all the decisions now. Not US. Okay?? That is what we are. Didn't even bother. Another thing, u can't reply my MSG, but u can go fb eh?? Oh ya, u can an I can't is it?? Just got nothing to say. U are stuck inbetween me and yr friends??? Can I even say that? I guess not, when I say such a thing, u'll go over the top. Still wonder, what have I done so bad till i'm being treated this way. Maybe u are right..

2010-07-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

Thus is just the best place. Nothing more. Changed changed changed changes changed changed changed. That's all I can say. Selfish is the word. It used to be both have a say. But now? Ego! That's the word, coz u know u are superb drop dead beautiful. That's the reason why, attitude and all. Can't be told, will get pissed off. Oh ya, I must take care of her heart. Than mine? Who is gonna take care of mine?? I know I've been giving in, even when being fuck without any reason. I won't make it a big fuzz. Ya, told me not change when I got into new school, new friend and new surrounding. I don't change, u do. I've been sound so desperate. Or maybe just too used to it. Too used to hanging on. Too used to depend on someone else. Maybe I have to change. If ppl around me can change, why can't I? U can show yr attitude, why can't I? U can get angry for no reason, why CANT I?? I don't know what I did wrong, or maybe u just felt like changing. U need yr time with yr friends? I used to asked for that, but I don't neglect u, remember?? I don't. So, do I diserve to be treated this way?

2010-07-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

Sometime, things just dosent turn out the way it should be.
Sometime ppl that u love hurts you. What we need to do is just to
forgve and learn. Being in love is a journey, a journey of a life time.
A journey full of ups and downs. It's a journey for two. So, when u fall,
there is someone who helps u to get back up. And not kick u till u can't
get up. The journey for two is so that one cAn help another.
By helping and by getting into troubles, they both can learn about each
other more. And sadly, if it's a true love. There is nothing that can saperat them.
Nothing! But, when ne baills. The other one will be sitting there staring to
nothingness. Just can't do anything. This journey can't nver be forced.
When they baills. U can't do anything if I wants what's best for her. If, she can
have a happy journey with others, we just can't do anything.
But, please. Don't hurt and lie. The ones u love. If u love them
treasure them. Treat everyday like yr last. Don't waste anytime fighting, coz
you'll never know when they'll change their mind. Or suddenly gone from
yr life. It's just not fair some time. Coz life isn't fair. But when someone u loves
hurts u*there is nothing worse than that*, you just don't know what to do. Haissss.

First love is the worse to end. When one have got a change of heart.
U'll know it. Don't have to ask, u'll just know it. Ppl think they are never wrong.
And they never blame themself. I just don't know what I did. I wanna
continue loving. I don't wanna fight. I'll start learning. I'll start to live more for myself.
I will try to accept it that u need yr space. I'll start findin my space.
Please don't be selfish. Coz, I love u. Whatever u need and want,
I guess I need too. If u need space and time with yr friends, than I do too.
Just think about it, it's different right? Maybe better for u. Just to scared to
stand up to yr friend who is talking. Think abt it, we live so far, we are in diff school,
u can't go out with me coz, u'll get scolded and grounded, the only time to meet
is after yr school, or anything u have lik sports and studies. U already
meet yr friends during trainig, why can I have u after that? U wants to spend time
with them after training. Coz they think u'll haven been meeting them?
Than when can I ever meet u? Even when u don't train, u'll go with yr sports friend
to watch others play till night? And I can't be there, coz u don't invite me?
When can I ever spend time with u? Even on weekends u are too busy?
Or is it, u've change yr mind about us?? I don't want anything bad to happen.
Can I know what I did that makes u change yr mind till like this?

P.S What ever it is, i love u.

2010-02-18T20:05:00.001-08:00

there is no point logging into to facebook to find the update she post.
coz, she will not post anything.
does she even have any feeling?
what is she feeling now??
im going to facebook every free time i got.
just to see if she is there, what she is doing.
still haven get anything.
devestated, is it my fault??
so many things going through my mind.
school been stress ful.
only if u were here for me to share it with.
i just dont know.
i want u here, but..
alot is stpping me.
u have been doing things that i really dont like..
and after alot of fighting, still ahven chang..
what am i to do?? leave??
i dont want to, but if i have to, than i do it..
its going to be hard but i'll force myself to do it.
ppl have been saying we are too young.
we used to say, lets chalange them and all.
saying to ourself than we could last..
but till all of this has happen. im starting to think twice.
maybe we are just tooo young..
maybe we need time to explore.
time to make friends.. not getting tied down.
usually, boy will say "its not u, its me".
fcuk that phrase. i dont belive in that.
we bothe had our mistakes.
but the diff is that i'll try my best to change.
maybe only because of this particullar girl, u want to get back on me..
she is my friend..
she was never as close to me like u are close to me..
she was never as special as u to me.
guess its just hard for u..
i know, i've not been trusting u..
i have been trying my best to force myself.
coz i know u need that trust.
but if u keep on doing this to me.
everytime im begining to trust u,
u kept on distroy the small and growing trust..
how will we ever work?? u understand?
hais, its really hard.
trying to be happy in everything i do..
yet, the thought of u will distract me.
im really upset everytime i think of what u did to me..
i'll never know what u said to your friends about me.
its up to u.. but, deep inside i know thatr u know that who is at fault..
its never about fault..
i always try to close one eye and continue to be ahppy when ever u are around..
but, its gone too far..
u keep on breaking this small thing inside me called the heart.
how ever i try to think of it.. i'll keep on blameing myself..
i dont know why..
thats all, i wanna be with u..
have been wanting to be with u.
but if u never change and keep on treating me like this,
i cant accept. sorry.
im sorry. maybe its straight foreward..
but its the only way for u to learn.
and lastly, someone told me.
the problem between me and u.
let it stay withe me and u.. dont need to let the whole world know..
like posting through facebook.
and anw, yr reply hurts..
it really hurts.. abouth u telling yr friend and all..
so ya, just so u know.
hope u remember that i had never shouted and scream at u infornt of anyone.
if we were to fight, i'll never bring to the public.
i just hate it..
now im confuse and having mixed feeeling..
im confuse.. hais.

love, shaid(pan)

2009-06-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

climbing fances!!!
shhh. it was on 12 of june!!
shhhh, its just for us tao. heh.
anw, went to chinese garden. picnic!
heh. at last i got to go picnic wif HER.
it was kinda fun. had fun!!
didnt take alot of pictues though..

didnt go to training todae.!
malas!!! heheh..
kinda tk sedap badan. and its true...
later have to go jalan besar sia..
so tired man.
malas also got.
just author my pants just now..
going to wear it for the 20th.
if im going..

toking abt the 20th..
i dunno to go wif who sia..
i wanna go wif the guys..
(masri and rezal)
BUT they haven comfirm.. so the lece.
haiyo..
nid to have back ups..
but dunno who to go wif!!! arrrghhhh!!
wah!! im using the comp again!!
woohooo... hehe..
shhhhhhh...

2009-06-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

sleep late yesturdae.
and woke up at 3pm todae..
siap2 teros go bola.. im kinda late.
heheh.. but ader yg lagi lambat.
guess im safe. heh.

FLASH BACK!!!!!!

yesturdae, 15 of june.
i,nablah,muammar,fiediana and their friend went to wdlns..
went to go wad maret or sth ahh..
which end up closing.
then we went to watch hanna montena the movie.!
been wanting to watch it..
not girlish at all!!
4 those who is saying stupid things abt the movie.
go watch hen u'll know.
i enjoy the movie..
fiediana work there and she got free movie tickets.
so its 4 free..
then went to tampines to send muammar to tekwando.
nabilah wasent feeling well and luckily we met her mom at interhange..
she decided to go back home.(her home)
i send her home and go home.. thats y i went hm late.

TODAE!!
went training at 5pm!
till abt 7pm.. took the train there..
training was linda oke. but im so tired..
went hm taking bus 4 the 1st time..
didnt got lost!!!!!
its kinda around the same timing as the train.
so yeah. heheh..

TO U OUT THERE!!
stop asking me to upload!!!
hehehehehheeh..
actually nt that i dont want to.
i just dont have the comp.
finnally after a long time.
i got to use the comp..
making full use of it. heheh.
heheh..
so yeah..
appologising to u, who have been wanting to read my post.
ehehe.. sorry!!
=]

2009-05-06T22:33:00.000-07:00

im confuse..
i guess i really had made the right decision.
i know what she had told her friends.
i guess she just didnt tell the full story..
she just never change ya.
i tot wad her friends were saying were true.
"show him that u ake oke without him"
"show him that u dont need him"
yeah, its true!
u dont need me. face the fact.
u still got the whole life ahead of u.
i just tot u nvr change.
u still went out wif him.
*for the curious once, ask her hu does "HIM" refers too*
so yah, forget it.
its all over. cant change the way ppl look at me.
im not looking 4ward 4 chem exam tomorrow.
arrggghhh.!
going out now, till we meet again.

,love bestfriend
<3

2009-04-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

hey,hey, HEY!!!
its been very long since ive update my blog.
wailau, understand me la..
i barelly use comp sey..
be patient people. heheh
im too lazy to update la..
ive got no mood to update la..
ok2, my life is like a roller coster..
so happening and tiring..
we won NFA!!! hahaha
home utd beat NFA, 2-1.
though i didnt play full game due to injuries.
im proud to be part of the team.
haha.. went to swimming wif nabilah on mondae.
had fun, our 1st time.
the pics are in nabilah's blog.
i guess the home utd game agains nfa is wif hirul.
so guys, ask from him!
the tumbdrive is wif him.
in so bored wif this injury. it sux.!
so bored sia.. cant even run propelly. haiyo..
ok, starting to be serious in studies..
revising on my own.
n lvls coming!!!
anw, met nabilah just nw.
went vivo, n she spill a glass of ice lemon tea on me.
haiyo..
hehe, its oke lee..
dont feel bad ya.
ppl makes mistake, u make mistake.
so yeah.
till here dudes n babes.!!
takecare n nites.!!

2009-02-25T04:28:00.000-08:00

hey2!!! hehe
its sports heats day!!
i had fun just now..
we had to wait 4 abt 2 hrs until my turn to runn!!!!
i took part in 400m n 800m..
bt i wanted 200 n 400..
haiyo!! penat oi!!
the result for puting effort was great.
i nid not eleborate.
so yeah!!
sports dae is on 7 march i think..
unsure*
yeah, i do had fun just now..
at last my comp ler me post..
so yeah. sch was very short just now.
we left at 11.20. 1 period after recess..
so yeah..!! till here.
bros,dude,bapes and wadever u call yeself..
chill pill yaw..

P.S I Love you, Muckz.!

2009-02-03T05:28:00.000-08:00

hello,helo helloo!!
im 16!
hehe, only 16.*masih mude lagi)
todae. i didnt go sch..
too penat n ive got lots of fmwk to be done..
done all hmwk.!
selamat.. kalau tidak knek stay back la ni la tu la..
ohk2, i'll try to update if ive got free time yaw..
just be patient people..
haha.
eh, tag2. (jgn lupe)
hehehe..
im so damn strez up wif soccer n dnt!!
susahnye.
toking about soccer.
ysturdae game sux. didnt go the wae we want it.
we lost to the nation second 6-0
buat malu aje..
everything went wrong la..
noting to sae, they are damn good!!
hahaha..
todae didnt do anything actually..
went out to belik benda ajee..!
kedai bawah blokk..
gotta catch up wif sch tomorrow.!
wish us luck 4 tomorrow game against duman sec.!
if im not wrongg.
so yaw, im trying so hard to find network at hm..
so, susah nk msg.
so sorry if i didnt reply yaw..
till here.. takecare guys.!

2008-12-30T07:28:00.000-08:00

hey, im back.
im not feeling so good todae..
just reached hm abt 3 hrs ago..
eh, look like all my links tk blh pakai sey.
haiyo..
ok2, at last i got time to post..
todae i went to boat quae den town..
den home.
boringg.. but kite keco sey..
i know she is going out if some other guy todae..
didnt expect to terserempak drg at all..
bt we did. didnt see her actually..
until i was calling her asking abt a fwens's bdae.
den she was like.." hey2, turn around"
n there she was wif "that guy"..
so yeah..
kinda had fun wif masri n my bro n razy(walaupun kejap aje)
im so not in the mood now.
having some problems in my mind.
haiz, i just dunno if im still mr perfect for her..
but im gonna hold on n wishing things will be better soon.
sometimes, i feel that im unfair to her..
im sorry, but its just that feeling.
so i hope u know.
im sorry. its just abt that guy.
man, im sorry again.
so i hope u know how i feel now.
n i oso know how u felt when im out wif her..
u noe her..
take care baby..

2008-10-16T04:57:00.000-07:00

its been a wile i noe since i last update.
just been busy n comp sot2 ah..
look ive got another company of fwens.
they are relly close to me..
the bdk2 commonwealth..
cool giler ah drg.
im listening to the song chantek
cool song.
been trying to hear tis song for quiet a while.
im dead serious wif my relationship now!
heheh.. sshhhhhhhh..
wish me luck yaw.. haha
my life is like on a rollercoster now.
but the rollercoster has slows down..
im sick for a week already. haizz..
nvm2..
oh ya. selamat hari raye to all.
loves!!
=]

2008-07-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

hello!!
i cant belive it..
im actuly in love wif her??
woohooo!!
its feels great to noe shes there 4 me!!
yes ahh!!
i aint gonna tell any one abt this..
let em know themself.
as time flyes. ppl will know..
so yeah!!shes the 1!!!
the feelings is just great!!
ily.
ok la..
im in delema..
sorry fiz.
aku tknk blg kau ulu.
aku nk kacau2 kau dulu.
hehehe.
=]

2008-04-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

ayy, pics are up.
went to botanic garden that dae.
dunno which dae.
wif zan n my cuss.
had fun.enjoy!!
=]

2008-04-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

ello2 everyone!
athirah, thankz 4 editing my blog once again.
eventhough i need to wait ____ long 4 u to edit it.
ok2. ive been happy 4 the pasr fwe dae.
i realise that theres some1 who appreciate me.
whoohoo!
im happy wif yaw in my life now.
yeah, i can look forward going to sch now.
heheh.
damd rite im into her.
no more looking at other girls.
a promis is a promis.
yeaah, im gonna keep my promis to yaw.

2008-03-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

went to botanc garden babe.
wiz cousion n zan.
took some pic.
didnt camehore much that dae.
we had fun though.
pics are in.

enjoy.
im kinda into that sec 4 girl.
shes cool.
=]

2008-03-22T00:15:00.000-07:00

ayy! hello bello!
ahahah.
ok2. totally happy.
some1 excidentaly told me sth last night
funny sia.
now she's paisey.
ahahah.
keco la lu.
planned to go out wif her todae.
den she must go mit some1 some where.
den was on the way to tamp inter till she pick up my kol.
she said tk jadi.
bingit ajer.
no sitting at home bored on a saturdae.
ok2. yesturdae was a maraton for me.
went to challet den ton at downtown.
till abt 8.
reach home at 9.
then went to "kubur" at 11.
just 2 hrs of sleep.
went to kubur till abt 5 den reach home.
den razy ask me out.
we went out at 8 pm.
we went to city hall, panisullar
to get this tees.
den took mrt to bugis. padahal blh jalan kaki.
den we went to buy his bermudas.
lawa sey the bermudas n tees he bought.
jelous i.
ahaha.
then went back t0o city hall.
we walk this time.
went to chill at marina sq mac cafe.
then went home at 10.45.
reach home 11.45.
keco ehk.
saw yanti in the mrt n her fwen.
after that talk to some1 on the phone.
gerek!
ahah. till here every one!
bye2!

*love dancing*

2008-03-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

whoooooohooo!
i've got to watch step up 2!
cool huh?!?! ahaha
it was off tha hook.
the way they dance is just like how i dance.
exectly the same.
ahahahaha.
just joking.
their dance was so cool.
got to catch step up 2 todae.
i thought i would be late 4 my dance practice i sch.
so i didnt go for it.
told the person who book it to book the ticket later.
but they told me it wad out.
n the book at 4.30.
was guilty coz i didnt go for practice.
relly want to dance man.
wen i was at city hall going to plaza sing.
saw xiau xian.
she did go to the practice n reah city hall the same time as me.
wad a waste.
she told me my place has been replace.
i relly want that place.
arrrggghhhh!
it was all coz of the person who book the ticket.
u can oly said. sorry.
ala, now i dunno whether should to fot the practce on mon or not.
i want my place back.
but todae was s fun.
but syahidah had to go home early.
so we went to bugis to get aishah's dress
she bought pink in colour.
came home late at night.
till here every one.
=]

2008-02-28T02:01:00.000-08:00

my family had an outing on suunday.

dunno which sundae.

we took alot of pic man! cool2 once.

i'll just post some of the pics.

we had fun there.

kinda a way to release my stress.

want to do it again sometime.